there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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