He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
