I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
