the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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