this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
