He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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