Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
