is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
