Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize