Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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