we have pet lesbian snakes
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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