i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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