this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
