I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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