She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A+ Viking dick
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
