Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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