There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
