I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
