i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
