I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
