3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
