I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's the barista slut.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
