just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
