May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
