I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
