some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
