Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
