He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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