there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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