think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
