Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
