btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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