so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
