I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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