i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
