what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
4 words: hood of his car
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
