I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
