Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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