remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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