I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the raccoons are back...
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