I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
