Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
