I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
