I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
