Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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