dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
