More tranny stories later!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
