Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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