guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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