i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
