I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
