Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
