Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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