yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
