just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
