I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't think brook has ever known best
We named our party play list daddy issues
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
