Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
