His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
