I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
