i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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