ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
