You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize