Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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