I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Operation Purity has been aborted
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Less talking, more tequila
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize