No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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