I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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