I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
