I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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