a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
